Proverbs 31, Jeremiah 29:11, and Philippians 1:3-6

WOW!

Before I explain that, I want to say that I really ought to update more if I'm going to make posts like the last one. That's so depressing. I felt better in the morning...

Anyway, back to this past week.

WOW!

So I was at this thing called CIY (Christ in Youth) and God is so AWESOME!!!! He showed me a bunch of things this week, but there were three main things that I noticed: He showed me how to fall in love with Him, He told me to use the people he's put in my life, and that when I trust Him and wait for *His* timing not mine, everything I've been hoping for turns out so much better than I expected.

I have never been this in love. I mean, Jesus *died* for *me!* Me! He died so that he could listen to me ramble about nothing and hold me when I have days like the last post. It totally blows my mind. He's so incredible! I just can't explain how absolutely amazing it is to know God. I'm closer to Him than I've ever been before and the best part is, I've only just touched the surface. He promised me that He'd never let me be alone, and that my life is going to be a wonderful adventure. How cool is that?

Want to know something else that's cool? He totally answers prayers. I've been needing accountability (that's a big church word but all it really means is a friend that makes sure you don't fall away from God and prays for you and stuff) but I've never been able to really talk about it. Anyway, God gave me some amazing friends and we've decided to get together before church on Sundays (7:30, it's early, but we can do it), go through a Bible study and totally keep each other strong. I'm so excited. I squeal and giggle when I think about it. I don't think the other girls are as excited as I am, but they probably haven't been praying about it for as long. I was so happy I said I was "stoaked" which is something I've never said before. It was sweet; Brenda (who is my fishie-mommy away from home) gave me this really weird look. Anyway, I'm completely psyched about it. I just know God is going to use this to become the women he wants us to be. Like the women described in Proverbs 31. (Go look it up)

I can't believe how God is forming me and molding me to be more like Him. That excites me too. Maybe I'm just giddy from the trip (which I actually don't think is the case, because I didn't start getting excited until I realized what Jesus was up to) but I've been very happy lately. I'm hoping that even when I start to have bad days, I'll still have this joy, this feeling of elation. I feel free, because I've let Jesus have my whole life. He's taking care of it, which brings me to the last thing. He showed me that waiting pays off with the accountability thing, now He's asked me to let him have my future. He can't make it the best unless I give it to Him to change. He won't tell me what he's got in mind, but I know it's going to be better than anything I can think of. It was on Thursday morning that it initially occurred to me. I thought, at first, that He wanted me to be a minister or a missionary or something, but He was telling me something different. All he wanted me to do was open myself up to whatever he wanted me to do. You see, I want to be a director, and I was putting everything towards that goal. Now, Jesus never told me I couldn't do that, but He knew that if I continued to pursue that the way I had, I would start becoming deaf to His calling. I was doing what *I* wanted to do, and if there's one thing I've learned, it's that my life is not about me. (And why should it be, anyway? Seriously, what have I done that I should live for me? Better to live for something greater than myself, that won't pass away like the things of this world, like I will someday.) So I told Jesus that He could lead, and I would follow. Now I feel so free! My life is in the hands that created everything! He said that He has amazing plans for me, and if I can't trust God, whom can I trust? And if God is for me, who do I have to be afraid of? Think about that. God is on my side. He's taking care of me. No one can do anything to me without His permission. Why He loves me, I'll never know, but He does. He really does.

So that's why I say, "I am not, but I know I Am."

Until next time,

~A&C